What could be Better than 30 Days in Chile???

...uh....7 days in Chile!

ugh.

Where do I even begin? Perhaps "cognitive dissonance" contributed to the perception of my time in Chile. In other words, it was my subconcious trying to justify my earlier decision to live in Montevideo. Whatever the reason, I cut a 30 day "vacation" short and I'm glad to be home.

It's not to say that Chile doesn't have a LOT to offer -- Ok, I could take a cheap shot here and list overpriced hotels, mediocre "beach resorts", gouging taxi drivers, overhyped wine, construction noise, smog, and Noise...(.did i mention smog and noise?) -- Ok, technically I guess I just did list them.

However, Chile also has a TON of really nice amenities. I would venture to say that anyone who enjoys some of the "intangibles" that California has to offer, would also appreciate Chile quite a bit. Unfortunately, for me, a lot of the less desirable parts of California slipped in as well.

Rather than go through a laundry list of all the mishaps (that will come later) that led me to the decision that I was not going to get any relaxation done, and cut the "vacation" short, I will tell one short story that happened very near the end of the trip.

Our last night found us at the Radisson -- more than I wanted to pay at 150/night. (This rate was attained by booking in person. Online the rate card was almost twice that) However, the reason for staying at a relatively "high end" hotel will become more clear in subsequent posts about Chile.

At breakfast, Golden Lotus commented that she *had* wanted to to purchase some wicker serving trays and copper pots, but she felt like we had given the people of Chile enough of our money already. She said this by evoking some old "island" word that I can't pronounce (or write)....the word had about 7 "a's", an "m", a couple of apostrophes and an odd "h" or two thrown in :)

After she said that, fuBarrio prophetically stated that, "the financial atrosities aren't over yet" -- ok, maybe a bit dramatic, but remember that fuBarrio is about the cheapest bastard you're ever likely to meet and feels like each dollar that is pried from his stingy paws is like taking a small piece of his soul! :)

In a slip of logic and reason fuBarrio decided that it would be better to try and make our reservation for Montevideo (from Buenos Aires) before we actually arrived there. After not being able to find a flight online, I called LAN in chile -- no flights.

In desperation, I decided that BuqueBus (a boat / bus combo that can move people between Montevideo and Buenos Aires) was our only option. And, after not being able to make buquebus reservations online, i tried calling them to get us out of Buenos Aires that same night that we arrived. oops.

Buquebus put me on glorious phonemail hell and some sweet hold music. I finally got a hold of an operator who completed the transaction. While on hold fB was complaining to GL that the hold music was costing him a "fortune". Unfortunately, fuBarrio's version of a "fortune" and Radisson's version of a fortune were something totally different.

When fuBarrio went to check out, his patience had already worn thin with predatory pricing in parts of Chile so he reviewed the bill closely to see what that reservation call had cost him. And, he noticed a charge on the bill (aside from the usual internet, room service, etc) of ---- wait for it...86 dollars!

WTF?

fuBarrio's gray spotted skin became red with rage....he refuse to sign the bill and advised that the young lady call her manager or the police because he wasn't going to pay 86 bucks for a call of a few minutes to BuqueBus from Chile.

After the front desk called the manager, the kind young woman who had the misfortunate job of keeping a charming smile amidst the nashing of teeth (and fuBarrio has some pretty jacked up teeth) informed fuBarrio that she could authorize 20 percent off of the cost of the call.

After fuBarrio stopped laughing, he quickly calculated the phone call to be almost his entire monthly "partial disability" check! (the hearing board said that neither meglamania, self-aggrandizing anti-social behaviour, maniacal twinkie binges, nor looking like a bald dog in and of themselves made future gainful employment *impossible*.....thus only the "partial" disability).

This simply wouldn't do! fuBarrio asked to see the manager in person again.

Finally the manager came out to the front desk....After some confusion, that Golden Lotus attributes to the language barrier and fuBarrio's annoying tendency to refer to himself in the third person, the manager finally understood the crux of the problem.

Finally after much deliberation and fuBarrio insisting he could have flown to BA and personally conversed with the person for less money, the manager agreed to cut the bill of that one call in half. fuBarrio eventually relented and asked the front desk what the total bill came to with that "ajustment" and the number was still almost $300....

From fuBarrio's skill with numbers, aquired through an "intro to accounting for sales people who just need to graduate" class, he detected something wasn't right. Let's see:

150/night, plus
random charges, plus
local calls, plus
internet,
plus 1/2 of $86 charge for buquebus call

...it still didn't add up....what could fuBarrio be doing wrong???

after about 15 minutes of stunned silence staring at the bill, fuBarrio finally found his error. The cost of the twelve minute call to BuqueBus wasn't $86, it was 86.520 pesos..... (divided by points instead of commas, duh)

....or 86 THOUSAND pesos....

or, 172 dollars!!!

Uh....hahhahahahahhhhaha....er, um....cough cough....Golden Lotus quickly informs fuBarrio that according to his whole life policy, with which she's intimately familiar disturbingly, he's not even worth that much DEAD!

fuBarrio quickly lept to the top of the lobby's mahogany and marble desk and shouted out to the stunned businessmen and their mistresses, "Everyone get down! What I'm holding in my hand is not a well-worn-obvious-knockoff-Thailand-purchased "NorthFace" (northfarce) napsack. This is a BOMB!!!!"

Golden Lotus attributes the fact that the other guests only glanced briefly at fuBarrio's act of desperation, gaffed him off and continued on their business of actually contributing to someone's GDP, as "language barrier " problems again. fuBarrio happily goes along with that explanation since admitting that it has something to do with an utter lack of credibility or command voice is damaging to his already fragile and badly damaged ego.

Luckily, the hotel manager understands english *and* senses that the risk/reward favors forgiving the charge for the call to buquebus. Fortune favors the BOLD! :)

In a further stroke of luck, and network difficulty, fuBarrio's visa card somehow clears and we are whisked off to the airport before the authorities arrive.

look here for more adventures from Golden Lotus and fuBarrio's trip to Chile!
ciao for now,
fuBarrio