Monday, October 01, 2007

266 isn't old -- if you're a Tree!

Yeah, 266, in dog years, creeps up on you fast. Most of us, I'm sure (if we aren't so old our memories are failing) can remember pretty clearly when our parents were 266 and can remember thinking pretty clearly, "damn, you're old".

Of course, that was them...We're not old, right?

Let's see...

Did we just yesterday notice our kids rolling their eyes as we tried to interject the latest slang into our speech? It seems like just yesterday we were the ones rolling our eyes.

And for that matter, when did Madison Avenue get so "hip"?

I seem to remember they were always years behind the curve. "Old" people would chuckly maniacally as Madison avenue presented some "humorous" view on of course would notice that the representation of the kids on screen was about a year and a half out of date (a lifetime when your "with it"!)

But, 266 isn't so bad's like the new 196, right?....or so those out-of-date Madison Avenue types try to tell us.

Lately though, fuBarrio has noticed that Uncle Sam isn't the only one on the decline. It started subtley. At first it was just small things. Almost straws in the wind. Lately though the evidence has begun mounting.

Ever since fuBarrio was a young (devil) pup he has joked about being "old".

Then, about 5 years ago, fuBarrio's younger friends stopped protesting such declarations

While single five years ago, and working at his job WAY too much to meet anyone, on the advice of aforementioned young/hip friends fuBarrio considered registering for online dating at fuBarrio decided not to when he noticed that the maximum age on the registration drop down was 35 :) -- hitting a little too close for home there.

fuBarrio's still limping after playing basketball with a bunch of octogenarians a couple of months ago

fuBarrio attended his 20 year reunion a couple of months ago

...but the most agredious of all the these indignities has to be.....

fuBarrio is losing his hair!!!!!

(oh the humanity)

Well, certainly there are many indignities awaiting us all on the way to puree dinners and adult diapers, but one issue bothers fubarrio more than others. Of course, not one to take such an unexpected course of events lying down (it always happens to the other guy) fuBarrio went on a made hunt for solutions. Below is a list of some options along with the short comments summarizing fuBarrio's initial research.
  • becoming a "member" (har-har)
  • lots of mysterious baseball hat wearing in inappriopriate situations
  • aunt gemima bandana (actually saw brett michaels of poison fame trying to pull this one off on VH-1).
  • Minoxidil
  • Propecia
  • Comb Over
  • The Krylon solution
  • Kojak Solution

Becoming a "member":

I think i have to actually lose more hair before this becomes a real option. The ads are full of pretty creepy dudes that's a minus.

Ball Cap:

This one's pretty lame. 20 somethings can almost pull it off. I notice a lot of dudes only came to the informal Friday night portion of the (aforementioned) reunion. I couldn't tell if this was to avoid the 50 dollar charge for the Saturday dinner, or they didn't want to forced to show off their baldness. Probably a little of both.

I'd be a little more keen on this one if it didn't make my forehead breakout. Don't most people get to enjoy a period of time between breakouts and hairloss? :)

Aunt Jemima:

This one's closely related to the Ball Cap gambit. I wouldn't ordinarily think of it outside of the "hood", but I just saw Brett Michaels (of "Poison" (in)fame) trying to pull of this look on VH-1 -- For an entire series! :)


I'm not even sure they sell this in Uruguay, however, I did see on TV (in the states) that they sell it without prescription now -- so it's a LITTLE less humiliating. Probably not the good stuff though...just some watered down version. I got freaked out when a bald friend said that if you use it and stop, your hair returns to "trend". He was basically saying all the "treated" hairs that decided to stick around, which otherwise would not have, all fall out at once. Not sure if this is true but it sounds like "lock in" to me....or a serious barrier to adoption, as in my case.


This one seems a little better, especially if i could get the pill online from one of those email spammers! :) Of course, I had a *different* friend who looked into this for a pituitary problem (lots of weird side effects with pituitary tumors) and a specialist told him it decreases the volume of your "man sauce".

uh...I'm not shooting any movies or anything so it doesn't seem like such a big deal but then it leads me thinking that it sounds more like a *symptom* of a deeper more disturbing side effect of some kind. I'll prefer to wait a few more years for them to figure that one out.

Comb Over:

I said "266" not "666". 'nuff said. (I did see a sweet documentary on google on these though)

The Krylon Solution:

This one, from what I can tell in the late night infomercial is basically just spray paint....hence, the reason i call it the "krylon solution". Oh yeah, and they also throw in some cheap plastic combs too....This one seems better suited for:

  1. people balding in the back, not the front.
  2. people who live with lots of blind and/or delusional people

The Kojak Solution:

This one seems to be the most well-respected option these days. It was cool in the 70's...out in the 80's....came back again in the 90's and just hasn't faded out yet....or is that just my "non-hipness" again?

If my head wasn't so pointy, and my skin so pastey and/or i didn't live beneath a hole in the ozone layer this would be the "no brainer" option I think.

Anyone have a baseball hat that would look good on a blind dog?



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